Everyone has a moment when they look in the mirror and say, "That's it. I'm going on a diet!" For some, the sentiment kicks in when the scale tips a mere five pounds over the line. For others, it's when the ambulance comes with the extra wide stretcher and they take a power saw to the front of your house because they want you star in a new reality show called "Wide Load." Despite this disparity, the point remains - when a woman feels fat - she feels fat. Oddly enough, the anorexic often feels "fat" too.
My moment came two weeks ago when my "fat" pants wouldn't button anymore. My desire to procrastinate had reached it's end. There was nowhere to turn but Kohl's with a 30% coupon. Did I really want to start a new wardrobe from scratch? I was backed into a muffin-topped corner.
Two years ago, my weight reached 162. Incredibly, my pregnant weight was 160. This alone sounds like the start to a very scary story. Despite this weight gain, I didn't see myself much differently. I have a theory about women - we tend to see ourselves as we looked in high school. We're oblivious to the weight that gradually forms on our thighs, buttocks and waist until someone appears with that video from hell.
Being on stage has been a godsend in this regard. A video shakes a skewed picture of reality and quickly answers the age-old question "Do I look fat?" My realistic video came at Taste of Chicago two years ago. I had my son tape me on the comedy stage. I was wearing a full pleated top (of course) that could easily have been bought in the maternity section. When I saw the tape, I thought, "No need to throw those old baby jokes away just yet." I was horrified. "Is this what I look like?" "But I thought I was still that skinny girl in high school! Where'd she go? No wonder no one tells me how skinny I am anymore! Wow - I've been really out of touch."
I tested the waters. I told a neighbor who tipped the scales at 450 pounds that I was thinking of going on a diet. Her response, "What diet are you thinking of going on?" That's it! Why didn't she scream, "You - diet! But you're so skinny!" I had to take action fast.
I immediately considered Weight Watchers but I know I like to eat food when I handle it - not weigh it. I thought of cooking those special light calorie meals from my special light calorie meal cookbook. Nope. I can't cook that way. It's just too depressing.
I decided to join Jenny Craig. The food comes in little boxes. When the little boxes are empty that's the signal to stop eating. Yes. I would need that big of hint. I called Jenny Craig and they said, "Come in now...or sooner!" (I like that strategy - don't let women think twice about giving up their chocolate cake and ice cream.)
The Jenny diet worked like magic! I was able to drop 20 pounds in 10 weeks and the only new clothes that I bought were labeled "Size 8." I am a lifetime member of Jenny. When the pounds go up - I run for help. The extra cost of food is a small price to pay in exchange for what could become any looming weight gain medical issues. Best of all, it took my out of my "I look the same as I did in high school trance." Stand on stage ladies and take a video, it's a wake up call that lasts a lifetime!
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