Am I Really That Fat? A Photo Speaks!

One of the great things about stand up comedy is that it is a performance art.  And every performance artist is photographed whether they be a comedian, dramatist or Broadway dancer.  And boy do those photos speak!  Sometimes they scream!

As telling as a swimsuit shot, the photo taken on stage tells it like it is.  As horrible as this can be, it is equally wonderful.  I even been thankful for it as in a picture and video taken of me at The Chicago Comedy Festival four years ago.  My initial reaction was, "Who the heck is that!?!"  The supposed "baby doll" top that I wore that day screamed "Baby on Board!"  I knew something had to be done fast.  The very next day I enrolled in Jenny Craig and over the next three months I lost 20 pounds.  I felt reborn.  I felt one photo had saved my life.  Well, four years later after developing an addiction to very vanilla soy milk and honey graham crackers, I'm right back where I started.

I hired a professional photographer to take pictures of me on December 3rd, 2011 at The Energee Center Comedy Club in Wauconda, IL.  Brenda Lung Photography always does a great job and again Brenda pulled through!  However, mixed in with the excellent photography, there is always one photo begs a photoshop fix!  That is the photo that brought me to my senses - I don't have the figure I did in high school or even just four years ago.  How did I so massively digress!

I really do believe that both men and women continue to perceive their bodies as they looked in high school.  If you see a middle-aged man who looks like he carrying "full-term" hitting on a 25 year old babe, it is because his brain is living in denial.  He still sees himself wearing a football jersey who could either run 100 yards or even look great in full chest paint.  Women think like this too.  In my own mind, I see myself with skinny legs and a non-existent waist-line.  The clothes that I bring to the dressing room at T. J. Maxx are always too small.

And that is why I looked at many of my stage .jpgs from the Energee Center Comedy Club in horror. Surely the problem must be the lighting or the clothes or the hair (hair growing out! - also begging a quick fix.)  Rather than letting the depressing facts of an unhealthy diet consume me, I decided change must be imminent.  My ego and mental images of a fat-free high schooler would never let me back on stage again.

And so it is Day 4 of my diet.  Once again, I feel blessed to have the eye of a camera speak to me when others kept their thoughts to themselves.  The camera is my honest best friend who is able to snap me back to reality without a word or raised eyebrow.  I recently joined SparkPeople.com which is a social networking that helps people lose weight with health information and online friends.  It is a wonderful site to get that much-needed support and reassurance.  (Thank goodness my husband picked up a copy of "Good Housekeeping" in the doctor's office that day!)

Now it's onward and upward hoping for a better stage picture in January.  I'll post "before" and "after" pictures when I once again feel a wonderful sense of personal accomplishment!  Do you feel fat?  Don't ask your friends.  Take a picture!

When you Can't Button Your "Fat" Pants....

    Everyone has a moment when they look in the mirror and say, "That's it.  I'm going on a diet!"  For some, the sentiment kicks in when the scale tips a mere five pounds over the line.  For others, it's when the ambulance comes with the extra wide stretcher and they take a power saw to the front of your house because they want you star in a new reality show called "Wide Load."  Despite this disparity, the point remains - when a woman feels fat - she feels fat.  Oddly enough, the anorexic often feels "fat" too.

    My moment came two weeks ago when my "fat" pants wouldn't button anymore.  My desire to procrastinate had reached it's end.  There was nowhere to turn but Kohl's with a 30% coupon.  Did I really want to start a new wardrobe from scratch?  I was backed into a muffin-topped corner.

     Two years ago, my weight reached 162.  Incredibly, my pregnant weight was 160.  This alone sounds like the start to a very scary story.  Despite this weight gain, I didn't see myself much differently.  I have a theory about women - we tend to see ourselves as we looked in high school.  We're oblivious to the weight that gradually forms on our thighs, buttocks and waist until someone appears with that video from hell.

     Being on stage has been a godsend in this regard.  A video shakes a skewed picture of reality and quickly answers the age-old question "Do I look fat?"  My realistic video came at Taste of Chicago two years ago.  I had my son tape me on the comedy stage.  I was wearing a full pleated top (of course) that could easily have been bought in the maternity section.  When I saw the tape, I thought, "No need to throw those old baby jokes away just yet."  I was horrified.  "Is this what I look like?"  "But I thought I was still that skinny girl in high school!  Where'd she go? No wonder no one tells me how skinny I am anymore!  Wow - I've been really out of touch."

     I tested the waters.  I told a neighbor who tipped the scales at 450 pounds that I was thinking of going on a diet.  Her response, "What diet are you thinking of going on?"  That's it!  Why didn't she scream, "You - diet!  But you're so skinny!"  I had to take action fast.

     I immediately considered Weight Watchers but I know I like to eat food when I handle it - not weigh it.  I thought of cooking those special light calorie meals from my special light calorie meal cookbook.  Nope.  I can't cook that way.  It's just too depressing.

     I decided to join Jenny Craig.  The food comes in little boxes.  When the little boxes are empty that's the signal to stop eating.  Yes.  I would need that big of hint.  I called Jenny Craig and they said, "Come in now...or sooner!"  (I like that strategy - don't let women think twice about giving up their chocolate cake and ice cream.)

     The Jenny diet worked like magic!  I was able to drop 20 pounds in 10 weeks and the only new clothes that I bought were labeled "Size 8."  I am a lifetime member of Jenny.  When the pounds go up - I run for help.  The extra cost of food is a small price to pay in exchange for what could become any looming weight gain medical issues.  Best of all, it took my out of my "I look the same as I did in high school trance."  Stand on stage ladies and take a video, it's a wake up call that lasts a lifetime!