Married Sex and The Irony of Leaving Home

Wait a minute. Something's gone askew. I got married so I could have an intimate sexual relationship with my partner whenever the mood so swayed me. I moved out of my parent's house so I could become independent and have privacy with my mate. I imagined doors left wide open, no room off limits and we might give the neighbors something to talk about!

The irony of all this hits me as I lay in bed with our two year old son, Brendan who is sprawled between my husband and me. Brendan's wild contortions in sleep could land him a gig as an acrobat in the circus. This "come sleep with Mommy and Daddy thing" seemed like a good idea the night the thunderstorm hit three weeks ago. Now I realize I've created a well established pattern that just might be the 100% birth control guarantee the world has been chasing.

It's a guaranteed deal. Kids in the bed, kids in the bathroom and kids watching TV with their ears wide open will bring your love life to a screeching halt. And when I say "kids", let me explain - it only takes one.

Young adults leave home for independence and privacy and what is the first thing they do? They start making plans to bring more people into the house! It appears that the passionate lovemaking goal is not a satisfactory end in itself.

When I have a vacant look in my eyes and start to cry at cartoons, my parents offer to watch the kids. "Go out for the night. Enjoy yourself! We'll take care of everything." It sounds exotically tempting but "out for the night" in senior lingo means "Go to the 5:00 movie. We go to bed at 7:30."

When a husband and wife "go to bed together" that phrase takes on a new meaning after babies are in the house. An exhausted daddy who has given too many piggy back rides and has the baby's puke on his golf shirt lies next to an incoherent mommy who is still babbling "The Wheels on the Bus" lyrics. They lie motionless from exhaustion in half-sleep until the human alarm rings at 2:00 a.m.

Let me review the plan here - move out, declare independence, pursue perpetual love making in every room of the house.

Reality show - spit covered zombies sharing the bed with a two-year old bed hog.

Why does this plan gone awry by young adults perpetuate itself? Because it is a great plan! It is full of surprises, twists and turns. It is a plan full of unconditional love, comfort, security and peace. My husband and I had our own plan of independence and marriage but it appears God's plan is so much

better. And yes, God does believe in birth control. It's called "Grind to a halt. There's kids in the house!"

Weiner Doll - The Man Dream

Congratulations to Congressman Weiner who has fulfilled every man's dream - they have created a bulging muscle replica of the man himself in his white-y, tidies.

My own husband spends alot of time looking at himself in the mirror. Did I say "alot" of time? I mean ALOT OF TIME! I know other women who experience this strange and unexpected phenomenon of "Mantime in the Mirror." Now Anthony Weiner has taken it one step further! He photographed himself looking in the mirror strutting his "stuff."
The average American man could relate to this stance but feigned indignity. The average American woman thought, "Oh yea, I've seen that before."

And now they've made an anatomically correct doll out of him. And sales are skyrocketing through the roof! Every man in America is screaming from the rooftops, "They made a doll made in his likeness! That coulda, woulda, shoulda been me!!!

My question is, "Who do you think scooped up those dolls?" ... Sneak into your man's cave today and take a peek. You just might be surprised at the new superhero sitting on your signficant other's desk. Yes Ladies! Anthony Weiner is in the house!