STANDUP COMEDIANS AND COUCH STORIES
The unfortunate adventures that standup comedians experience over the years are often referred to as “couch stories.” They generally contain elements of pain and embarrassment for the performer and repeating them has a cathartic effect until they become funny and tolerable. A good story telling comedian knows that pain becomes funny over time. A great story is memorable gold when riffing on the couch with a talk show host should that welcome opportunity arise.
One of my favorite couch stories concerns a very talented comedian by the name of “Gilbert Gottfried.” (Now a favorite face on the line up of roasters as seen on “Comedy Central.”)
Gilbert is a very unique comedian from New York who delivers his material in a whiny voice and squinted eyes. What is most unique, however, is his very original material based on subject matter that originates somewhere far off in left field. Gilbert Gottfried’s appearance is as unique as the jokes he tells. His height and weight border petite.
I was a bit star struck driving up to Milwaukee where I would be performing with Gilbert at The Comedy Café – an intimate room where the crowds are always pumped and ready to laugh. Gilbert is a true talent and I knew the three days of performing with him were going to be top-notch. One of the thrills of being a comedian is being able to work with people whose comedy I admire.
“Hi. How are ya’. Hi, how are ya’. Nice to meet chu. Good. Good.” The room was filled to standing room only as I tried to work my way to the green room of The Comedy Café that evening. Gilbert Gottfried had also arrived and was trying to part the waves of adoring fans. His intended goal was also to reach the same door leading to the stairs that would take him down the long narrow hall to the green room. Head down, eyes squinting, he rarely made eye contact of those he met.
Reaching the swinging door we bumped into each other long enough for me to say, “Hi Gilbert. I’m Sally and I’ll be your opening act tonight.” … “Hi. Very nice. Pleasure to meet chu. Good. Good.” And those were the only words we exchanged that week. He seemed to neither see nor hear me when I ran into him again and again over the course of three days.
As a young comedian, it is very exciting to know that your act is being watched by someone in the business you admire. It is also in the best interest of the headliner (the “star” of the show or closing act) to watch his or her opening act to ensure that they do not repeat the same premises and/or jokes to the same audience. It is a type of self-preservation. As a headliner, it is humiliating to bring up a topic that your opening act has explored. It is an embarrassment to repeat subject matter and reduces perceived professionalism.
Gilbert Gottfried never watched my act. He wasn’t worried that I’d bring up any of his original and entirely bizarre premises. He wasn’t worried that I might be so funny that he could not follow me. He never made an effort to see my show or in engage in friendly conversation with me. I was invisible.
Gilbert went on stage and although he started slow and steady, he reeled the audience in with his incredible imagination. He talked about the bizarre and he intrigued his audience as they listened to his story about how he went outside one morning and found a turtle in the radiator of his car. Anything is possible in Gilbert Gottfried’s world. As he exited the stage, two very tall big breasted blondes became his moveable bookends as he made his way directly past me to the narrow hallway that took him back to the greenroom.
It had been three days since Gilbert Gottfried had acknowledged me as an acquaintance and fellow performer. In three days, I grew tired of being invisible and I decided it was time for a prank that would shake Gilbert Gottfried out of his big boobed, blonde stupor.
Saturday night I approached Gilbert in the green room. He looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. I said, “Gilbert, I’ve been opening for you all week.” …. “Ah, yeah.” “Gilbert, I continued. Have you watched any of my shows?” …. “Ah no. I haven’t had a chance to get up there.” “Well Gilbert, you know that bit that you have about finding a turtle in the radiator of your car?” …. “Yeah.” … “Well I do a bit about finding a turtle in the radiator of MY CAR!”
The screaming started. Gilbert Gottfried grabbed his chest and fell forward yelling, “Oh my god. No! Tell me – No! It’s not true! It can’t be! Oh my god! Oh my god!” … “Gilbert!” He raised his head as he neared a genuflecting position. “Gilbert, I said. It’s O.K. I’m just kidding.”
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