Help! I'm Vacationing with a Teen!

This past weekend my daughter  and I went on a “girl’s weekend.”  We packed a bag and headed for a bizarre but unique museum-of-sorts called “House on the Rock” near Madison, Wisconsin.  I was thrilled to go.  My daughter has been away at college for a year and she came back having a new appreciation for “Mom.”   (My friends said it would happen but I had too much post-traumatic teen stress to believe it.)  In just one short year, I’d shed the labels of “uncool”, “lame”, “pathetic” and “kinda creepy.”  (I believe that now I am well on my way to “Woman of the Year.”)  

Our weekend was a mere 36 hours long.  I thought it would consist of a nice “House on the Rock” visit, an overnight stay at a hotel, reading and dinner.  After all, as I remember it “vacation” means rest and relaxation.  

Hold on to your seats folks.  I forgot what “vacation” means to the young at heart.  In just 36 hours, we visited House on the Rock (a two hour tour of the collections of Alex Jordan), Cave of the Mounds (a one hour tour of a limestone cave), the Frank Lloyd Wright Visitor’s Center (my daughter is studying to be an architect), a game of racquetball (which consisted mostly of hysterical laughing), a game of tennis (more laughing), a stop at a roadside petting zoo, a visit to “Little Norway” (just like Norway – but little) and finally, a peek at the Wild West Museum.

When we returned home I was still running, high on the NoDoz I took just to make the three hour drive without needing a nap at the wheel.   I felt invigorated!

The next morning, my daughter left the house at 5:00 a.m. to work at her summer bakery job where she stayed until 3:00 p.m.  The next morning, I didn’t look cool.  I looked pathetic, lame and “kinda creepy.”   I stayed in bed ‘til 12:00 and I believe I can tell you how it feels to be in a bar fight.   It has taken me two full days to recover.  And yes, you guessed it, my daughter is still going strong.  Maybe “cool” was too big of a goal to reach in 36 hours.  I’m pretty proud of hanging in there, not breaking anything and remaining conscious as I drove the rugged terrain of Northwest Wisconsin! 

Who needs to be young and cool again anyway?  It’s just  too exhausting!

Teens and Their Menopausal Mothers - The Emotional Train Wreck

Every new mom is warned about the "terrible twos"- the time in your child's life when he or she is transformed into a mobile destruction unit no longer capable of understanding the word "No".   Every mom comes out with her war stories of the child who survived their own personal reign of terror.

Brendan spun out of control and threw himself sideways down a flight of stairs; Steven jumped on the bed in his sister's room, missed that perfect landing and broke his leg; Christine sucked on the counter at McDonalds and lived to laugh and shudder at the story.

Ah, the terrible twos- the simple life of parental worry. Little did I know that the terrible twos were baby steps to prepare us for the terrible teens- those adorable out-of-control kids- with attitude!

Does it strike you as ironic that most young girls approach their change of life into womanhood at the same time their own mothers are approaching their change of life into the golden years? I refer to this phenomenon as the hormonal train wreck. Two cyclonic life forms spiraling out-of-control trapped in the boundaries of four brick or aluminum-sided walls. No wonder the house starts to heave ho and split at the seams spilling out teenagers screaming, "Freedom, freedom, freedom!"

Does is strike you as odd that in the "olden, olden days" young boys were plowing the fields and assuming an iron-clad work ethic so that they could start their own families at age 14 or 15? Now we keep them under wrap until they're 18 and wonder why they attempt to blow the roof off the house with loud music full of agonizing lyrics.

And so I muse at the ironies of my terrible teens coming of age. I see the sky darken and the 30-foot wave approaching as lightening bolts strike a former sea of calm. And every time another emotional wave approaches with its threats and outbursts, I think to myself, "OH YEA, I USED TO DO THAT TOO!"