The Change of Life and Perry Como

I'm not sure that most women know that the change is coming. Most women aren't even quite sure the change has arrived as they stand motionless in the eye of their own hurricane. Oddly enough, those dear men who accompany us through life and who we claim are oblivious to feminine needs are aware of the change the very minute our hormones start to do their wicked dance.

     What gives it away? Is it the spinning head or the weepy welcomes or the air conditioning running in December?

     I admit I was oblivious. I knew something was not quite right. I thought I was sick. My brain was not functioning as normal. It's as if people were talking to me and I was absorbing the information through cotton candy. I felt slightly feverish. "Surely I must be coming down with something," I thought.

     It can't be menopause. I'm not sweating profusely in bed. I had experienced a hot flash or two over the years but nothing significant. Menopause is supposed to be loaded with countless nights of changing nightgowns. I was in the clear - or so I thought.

     "I believe you're peri-menopausal." Dr. O'Brien peered at me down his nose and through horn-rimmed reading glasses. That was a new one. "What's peri-menopause?" I asked. "Well that's the time before menopause when a woman starts to feel mild hormonal changes resulting in cloudy thinking and feelings of warmth accompanied by stress and irritability."

     Still not convinced that I could have a pinky over the other side, I asked, "But how can you be sure that I'm peri-menopausal?" In professional knee-jerk authority he responded, "Do you know who Perry Como is?"

     Perry Como - the American crooner, the hearthrob of the '50s and beyond.  I remember Perry Como, the famous singer, the recording artist, the television star, that handsome hunk. I  confirmed the many years I spent on earth when I responded, "Yes!"

     And with that the deal was sealed.

     I drove home realizing I reached the summit. I had that one pinky over the line. I tried to cheer myself up by humming a tune - a rendition of "Jingle Bells" that Perry Como made popular so many very short years ago.

Teens and Their Menopausal Mothers - The Emotional Train Wreck

Every new mom is warned about the "terrible twos"- the time in your child's life when he or she is transformed into a mobile destruction unit no longer capable of understanding the word "No".   Every mom comes out with her war stories of the child who survived their own personal reign of terror.

Brendan spun out of control and threw himself sideways down a flight of stairs; Steven jumped on the bed in his sister's room, missed that perfect landing and broke his leg; Christine sucked on the counter at McDonalds and lived to laugh and shudder at the story.

Ah, the terrible twos- the simple life of parental worry. Little did I know that the terrible twos were baby steps to prepare us for the terrible teens- those adorable out-of-control kids- with attitude!

Does it strike you as ironic that most young girls approach their change of life into womanhood at the same time their own mothers are approaching their change of life into the golden years? I refer to this phenomenon as the hormonal train wreck. Two cyclonic life forms spiraling out-of-control trapped in the boundaries of four brick or aluminum-sided walls. No wonder the house starts to heave ho and split at the seams spilling out teenagers screaming, "Freedom, freedom, freedom!"

Does is strike you as odd that in the "olden, olden days" young boys were plowing the fields and assuming an iron-clad work ethic so that they could start their own families at age 14 or 15? Now we keep them under wrap until they're 18 and wonder why they attempt to blow the roof off the house with loud music full of agonizing lyrics.

And so I muse at the ironies of my terrible teens coming of age. I see the sky darken and the 30-foot wave approaching as lightening bolts strike a former sea of calm. And every time another emotional wave approaches with its threats and outbursts, I think to myself, "OH YEA, I USED TO DO THAT TOO!"