Christian Comedian Jokes About Her Husband

Female Christian Comedian Sally Edwards

My husband is always claiming that I'm going deaf.  I proved him wrong!
(Female Christian Comedian performs clean comedy at St. John's United Methodist Church in Louisville, KY)

http://comedybysally.com

Three Secrets to Becoming a Clean Stand-up Comedian

Secrets to Becoming a Clean Stand-up Comedian

Many new comedians grace the stage with full intent of delivering a clean show. They take the showcase stage at comedy clubs like Zanies Comedy Club, The Laugh Factory, Up Comedy Club or The Improv and attempt to deliver clean comedy. By performing clean comedy, whether they be funny female comedians or male clean comedians they are then able to pursue the goal of someday performing solo as a clean corporate comedian.

1)  Performing clean comedy means there should be no use of swear words, no offensive set-ups and no offensive punchlines.  It is important not to embarrass or offend as a corporate comedian.  An offended audience leads to complaints to human resources. Repetitive complaints may develop into real problems for the company hosting the corporate event.  Violating the rules of "clean" will result in loss of trust, reputation and bookings.

2)  Be aware of your own interpretation of clean comedy.  "Clean" should not be a product of your own subjective interpretation. New talent today takes its direction from Comedy Central where there are no limits on topics and vocabulary. A new comic often believes if he simply "cleans up his act" by cleaning up his four letter words, the goal of clean comedy has been accomplished. I've seen club owners shaking their heads in dismay as they watch a new talent use every word but the "f" bomb and think they've achieved clean.

Subject matter that is truly "clean" is a topic that you could deliver one-on-one to your Aunt Clara in front of her bridge club. This is assuming your aunt was never a member of Hell's Angels or senior cook on a ship. Topics involving family, sports, children, husbands, wives and corporate life are all fair game. Any talk of sex must be approached with extreme caution. After all, would you feel comfortable talking about sex to your Aunt Clara?

3)  "Customized humor" is a good way to go if you want strong laughs that hit close to home for a corporate audience. Customizing humor involves researching the company's background and core interests prior to taking the stage. Although individuals can also be singled out as fodder, it is very effective to read from the company's handbook or muse over their graphs and charts. Where there has been pain, there is gain in the laugh department.

If you want to write clean, turn off the TV and think back to your childhood. What was right and what was wrong in dialogue with adults? These thoughts will be your guide. Writing clean material is a very difficult challenge when creating a new routine but taking the high road will lead to respect among your peers and admiration from you corporate audience.

At This Clean Comedy Event, I Sat Next to a Bishop! That is Clean Comedy Pressure!

http://humorousspeakersbureau.com Sally Edwards is the president of The Humorous Speakers Bureau marketing corporate comedians and funny keynote motivational speakers.
http://sallyedwards.org - Laugh to Good Health
http://comedybysally.com - Clean Corporate Comedy

Female Christian Comedians and Christian Television

I am thrilled that Christian television is now welcoming female Christian Comedians on their faith-based shows.  Yesterday I had the fantastic experience of appearing on "Voices in the Wilderness" - a Christian television show that invites guests whose lives have been changed as a result of their faith.  Having documented such a personal incident in my new book "Comedy Mom - My Funny Stand-up Life", I was asked to be a guest on the show because I bring my Christian comedy to women's groups.  My own story focuses on my early efforts to be a professional stand-up comedian who performs clean comedy.  During my years as a new clean comedian, I suffered terrible stage-fright. However, my life transformed on a Sunday morning in church the day I heard the words, "Go with the fear! If God gives you a gift, you are meant to share it."

This singular message gave me the strength to return to the comedy stage as a Christian woman comedian and conquer my stage-fright.  For years, it was a continuing constant challenge.  Eventually, my fears gave way to strength and I am now a very successful funny clean Christian Comedian and I have been performing clean comedy shows for over 20 years.  I urge everyone to listen to your inner voice and share your gifts even though it may be a struggle.

Many thanks to my gracious host, Maria Goldstein, for her own strength in helping others with her shared gift of a wonderful faith-based Christian television show.

Maria Goldstein and Funny Female Christian Comedian Sally Edwards

Stand up Comedy - Your First Appearance on the Comedy Stage

Tips for Performing Stand-up Comedy

You think you're a funny guy or girl and you've gathered enough courage to perform on New Talent Night at a local comedy club. How should you prepare to face a room full of strangers and make them laugh? First, you need your arsenal of funny material. Take time during the day to sit down and write a joke with a simple joke structure. The simplest and most basic form of joke writing is "set up and punchline". "Setting up a joke" is providing basic information about an experience or topic. It establishes a place, a feeling and a presence. The punchline element produces the surprise and the unexpected ending. A genuine surprise elicits laughter from an audience which proves your joke is effective. 

 Memorize your jokes and rehearse them either mentally or verbally. Create a visual picture in your head of the subject matter and your first jokes will be more easily committed to memory. Continue rehearsing your jokes daily until they can be recited out loud and with confidence. Achieving a relaxed conversational tone will demonstrate command of the stage and put an audience at ease. Many new comedians assume they can stand on stage and be an "off-the-cuff" guy or girl. This can be a dangerous assumption. The first time on stage can be intimidating and it is very possible that increased nervousness will steal your mental reflexes and response time. You will be facing lights and strange faces as the audience stares at you, and you alone. Most likely, you will feel robbed of your humorous creativity as you know it. Having a solidly memorized "set" of material will give you a performance safety net on stage. It is better that improvising skills are utilized once an audience is engaged and laughing. 

 The first time on stage triggers the primal fear of facing a roomful of unfamiliar faces. You are taking on a very formidable challenge when standing on the comedy stage. Don't be too hard on yourself. Congratulations on conquering a fear that is only second to death. It does get better and more fun as you feel more comfortable on stage and as you get to know your "character". Performing on a weekly or nightly basis will make the joke writing easier and the performances will appear more natural. Taking those first few steps on the comedy stage are giant leaps in terms of personal goals and a lifetime of effort and enjoyment.    

ComedyBySally.com

Carrot Top - Behind the Scenes with the Comedy Stars

Before Carrot Toplanded a very sweet consistent gig in Las Vegas, he took his very funny prop comedy act on the road.  I first met Carrot Top at Zanies Comedy Club in Chicago.  Carrot Top was headlining for the week and I was the feature act.

     I knew I had a rough road ahead of me because pre-plastic surgery Carrot Top was a very cute redhead and he already had a huge fan base.  When a comedian becomes semi-famous and draws a crowd, his or her fans do not relish the twenty to thirty minutes they spend watching the feature, or middle act. 

    The room was packed and Carrot Top Fever was in the air. I delivered the best show I could but the impatient crowd did not return my energy.  I felt defeated.  That sense of defeat was amplified when Carrot Top hit the stage.  The crowd went wild with his first “How you guys doin’?”

     Carrot Top can work a room.  Each prop and joke surpasses the cleverness of the one preceding it.  At the time, his piece de resistance was a joke about fellow comedian Pee Wee Herman who had recently been arrested for indecent exposure.  Pee Wee Herman starred in his own funny children’s show even adults enjoyed.  However, he fell out of grace when he was caught playing around in a movie theater – with his privates.

     Carrot Top held up a jumbo popcorn container with a big hole in the bottom and shouted out, “Pee Wee Herman’s Popcorn Box!”  The crowd went wild.  It was a true eruption.  The audience was totally in sync with their comedy hero and it was in stark contrast to the ambivalent way they had welcomed me.

     I wanted to level the playing field.  I decided to play a joke on Carrot Top during the second show scheduled for that night.

     Following Carrot Top’s awesome performance, he chatted with fans and then made a beeline for the second floor green room where he could rest, relax and gather his thoughts for the second show.  Carrot Top did not watch my show and I decided to take advantage of that fact.  He would not know what I was planning while on stage.

     The second show started and I was met with the same ambivalence as the first.  They wanted Carrot Top.  I decided to get in on Carrot Top Fever.

     Because he left his trunk full of props on stage I had access to Carrot Top’s entire act.  I opened the trunk and saw the giant popcorn container with the hole in the bottom.  I held it up to the audience I said, “This is one of Carrot Top’s favorite jokes.  Let’s play a trick on him.  When he holds up this container and says, ‘Pee Wee Herman’s popcorn box ‘(big laugh), don’t make a sound – not a sound!”  I could see the delight in the faces of Carrot Top’s fans.  Everyone loves a good joke.

----------------------------------------------------------

     Carrot Top was at his best.  The crowd was with him and he was getting ready for the kill.  He reached into his trunk of wonders and pulled out the popcorn container.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in a booming voice, “Pee Wee Herman’s popcorn box!”  ….  Silence…. Not a sound!  “Ladies and gentlemen – Pee Wee Herman’s popcorn box!” he shouted again.  Nothing!  The Carrot Top fans were pulling through for me!  I was stunned, delighted and even a little bit scared (of who might be kind of upset!) 

     “Ladies and gentlemen,” Carrot Top said as he stooped forward toward the crowd, “What don’t you guys get?  This is funny.  Really.  This is funny!  How can you not laugh at that?” Carrot Top held it up one last time, waved it around and dejectedly gave it a long toss into his long black trunk.

     Facing a sea of Carrot Top fans, his loyal audience let me into their circle to have some fun that night. Carrot Top demonstrated great sportsmanship when he found out the audience was in on the joke.  He took it all in good spirits and that night he was generous enough to let everyone share in the spotlight.

Comedy in L.A. with Ray Romano

     Just took a trip out to L.A. and had a super time.  My husband, Bert and I, planned the trip to see our children who are in L.A. and San Francisco respectively.  However, we did spend some time at The Comedy Magic Club in Hermosa Beach because my husband is a friend of the manager Richie Barrett.  Our son Steven, who is also a comedian, joined.  (Of course that was the best part for me.)

     Richie was an awesome host and made us feel very much at home.  We ate dinner in his company in a private room and really received the super treatment.  It was a special thrill for our son because he is relatively new to the comedy scene and he got a real bird's eye view of backstage.

    As is customary to the Comedy Magic Club the stars were out.  Although I have met most "wow" comedians from their visits to Chicago, I had never met Ray Romano and he made a special guest visit that evening.  It just so happened that there was a benefit that night and the audience was all women.  Believe me, I wanted to be on that stage but Ray handled the same sex crowd with finesse.  They loved him!

      We exited when Ray's portion of the show was over.  On the way out, I passed him in the hallway and shook his hand.  He was very gracious and I told him I was big fan of his show that still airs daily.  If you want to know what Ray Romano is really like - watch "Everybody Loves Raymond."  At first glance, it does seem to provide a true reflection.

Humor Book - Comedy Mom! My Funny Stand-up Life! by Comedian Sally Edwards

My book is published!   Now on my site for purchase - soon to be on sites worldwide!

Comedy Mom!  My Funny Stand-up Life

Available at ComedyBySally.com

"Comedy Mom! My Funny Stand-up Life" by clean female comedian Sally Edwards is a very funny and inspiring book about parenting and stand-up comedy. Sally Edwards is a mom and comedian who overcomes paralyzing stage fright by discovering hilarity in the raising of her own children. Experiencing an unsettling childhood, Sally Edwards lives her teenage years at an all-girls' Catholic boarding school where she first discovers she has a gift for making people laugh. The birth of Sally's three children with Zanies' Comedy Club Executive Vice President, Bert Haas, inspires a wealth of funny stories with a positive and uplifting message!

Smile - You're Doing Stand Up Comedy!

I am a stand up comedian who did not smile. Not only was I a stand up comedian who did not smile, I was a wife, mother, friend and stranger who did not smile. The odd thing is that I thought I was smiling.

Five years ago, my husband said to me, “Sally, you’ve got to learn to smile on stage!” I said, “I do smile. What are you talking about? I’m very happy.”

I saw the videotapes and realized I was wrong. Five years ago, I began to teach myself to smile. I made it my mission and passion. I wanted to communicate correctly how I was feeling. If I met someone, I thought to myself, “Make youself smile!” When I greeted my children when they came home from school, I thought, “Make yourself smile!” And, of course, on stage, it was a constant, “Make yourself smile!”

At first smiling felt very insincere because it required a constant mental and physical effort. However, as I continued my efforts, I realized that, in fact, it was much more sincere to be happy and communicate that emotion. It changed my life so greatly for the better. If you are not a natural smiler, now is the time to make the change.

I’m convinced that smiling is hereditary. Some people have such an easy time with it. They’re smiling all the time from an early age. Consequently, they seem to have more friends, successful careers and happier children. Truly they have unknowingly harnessed the power of this great secret.

Does your dog smile? Mine does. And I’m willing to bet that you’ve noticed that your dog smiles too. Doesn’t a dog’s smile make you feel great? A dog doesn’t smile often but when it does, everyone notices and everyone comments. A smile counts and it goes a long way.

Now it’s your turn. Even if you smile only as often as your dog, you have the ability to teach yourself to communicate more effectively and sincerely. It requires a concerned effort and will feel very unnatural at first. It will feel like you’re not being “you”. That’s the good news! You’re becoming a better “you!”

Smiling comes very easily to me now. I feel as if I have made a great discovery and I am truly enjoying it. The other morning as I walked my two dogs in the park, I ran into a friend and he gave me a wonderful compliment. He said, “Sally, it’s good to see you. You always look so happy!”

That’s because …. I am.

Mom Stories - "Mom, Who Am I?"

   I don’t know what goes on in kindergarten but I can tell these kids are doing a heck of a lot more than me when I was five.  I know that “David” was the longest name I’d ever seen and I still had no idea was “M,N,L,O,P” was when I entered first grade.  Kids today are reading at a third grade level at a time when my father would simply look at me and say, “Don’t flunk sandbox.”

            This was never more apparent to me the day Christine came home from kindergarten and said, “Mom.  We’re going to play a game.  Standing in a white lace dress and ankle socks, Christine looked like an angel and she spoke with the innocence of someone who didn’t know they were about to challenge the incredible competitive character known as “Mommy.”  Christine continued in a soft voice.  “I’m going think of something in the world and you get three guesses to figure out what I’m thinking of.”  Maybe this heavenly being knew a little more about playing the big slots than I gave her credit for.  It seemed that the “world” is a pretty big playing field and the human component of “thinking” could not be scored in a fair and honest manner.    I became aware that the odds of winning were stacked in her favor.

            I began to guess.  “Christine, you’re thinking of your big red doll.”  “No!”  “Christine, you’re thinking of your baby doll.”  “No!”  “Christine you’re thinking of that lamp right over there.”  “No!”   I’d lost – but by how much?   I had to know now.  “Christine, what may I ask were you thinking about?”  Christine looked at me in the eyes as if she was pulling in her poker chips.  …. “Mount Fuji!”  … I wasn’t even close.  “Christine?”  “What.”  “I want to talk to your teacher.”

A Female Comedian's Insight - Understanding Your Children's Gifts

I understand it now. I understand how to recognize a unique "gift" within oneself. After years of soul searching I have been able to share my insights with my children and other adults. I find it funny that a personal gift should be so difficult to recognize. To our friends it can be quite apparent. It is best to listen to friends and family as they praise our uniqueness. It is difficult for us to recognize our own gift because we assume everyone shares our talents.

With my own children I was always on the lookout for clues. It was a daily fun exercise to notice repeated patterns of actions or words that were unique to each child. My oldest son, Brendan, was only six years old the first time he asked me, "Mom, what do you think of black holes?" Was I supposed to be thinking of black holes? My heart raced for a correct answer that wouldn't scar him with my lack of knowledge on the subject. Black hole questions were followed by comet and constellation questions. None of my other children were that inquisitive of the night sky. Today Brendan is an astrophysicist.
Our senior babysitter noticed our second son's gift when he was only 11 months old. "This kid is hilarious and he knows just how to make you laugh. He is the funniest baby I have ever seen." Steven established a pattern of making us laugh to tears. Today he lives in Los Angeles and is in an internship program for comedy sketch writing.

Our youngest, Christine, was a quick study. At nine years old she would take graph paper and draw sketches of the interior of her room. Every piece of furniture was measured and labeled. I said, "Christine, are you doing that for school?" Christine used graph paper for fun! Being a "math-o-phobic", I knew the clues were adding up quickly. Christine is now in San Francisco getting stellar grades. She is majoring in Architecture.

In retrospect I see my own life story was formed by the time I was eight. My parents signed me up for piano lessons and I began to teach myself to sing. I didn't stop singing. I started dancing and twirling and I loved making people laugh with my miniature shows. My older sister started bringing me to audition at community plays. Because of my lack of voice and dance training I did not get the parts. I worried I had no special talent. Fifteen years later, I walked on to the standup comedy stage of Zanies Comedy Club in Chicago as a new talent. Within minutes I experienced the joy of performing and making people laugh. I discovered my gift and knew I was home.

Sally Edwards is a professional Corporate Comedian who tours nationally. Sally Edwards' clean comedy has been featured on A&E's "Comedy on the Road" and Showtime's "Comedy Club Network."

Clean Comedy Events for Women's Groups with Keynote Speaker Sally Edwards

It has been a wonderful week booking Clean Comedy Events for Women's Groups.  Clean comedy that is non-offensive allows women to laugh without the fear of embarrassment.  We have a great time and everyone is a winner!  Upcoming Clean Comedy Events for Women's Groups include:

Catholic Women's League of Rockford - Sept. 18th - Keynote Speaker and Comedian

St. John Neumann, St. Charles, IL - September 27th - Keynote Speaker and Comedian

St. John United Methodist Church, Louisville Kentucky:  Nov. 14th - Keynote Speaker and Comedian

Christ Community Church, St. Charles, IL - Dec. 14th - Keynote Speaker and Comedian

Keynote Speaker and Comedian Sally Edwards

Clean Comedy for Women - Sally Edwards' Keynote Speaker

http://ComedyBySally.com

Where'd I Go?

I'll admit. Blogging is a tough one for me. I tend to go, go, go and I have a hard time stopping to talk about it.

This week, we're getting ready to put on another clean comedy show in Wauconda. "Clean" comedy is being met with rave reviews as people are tired of the young and brash comedians of cable TV where anything goes. I find it ironic that we, as Americans, are so easily offended by political incorrectness and yet national television broadcasts every rude gesture, comment and word known to man. I see a gap.

Today I scheduled another corporate event which will be a get together for the women of Queen of Rosary Parish in Elk Grove Village. Although that's a bit of drive for me, the very nice woman who booked me said she lived in Lake Zurich. Ironically, we live about 10 minutes away from each other. Where did the conversation lead from there? We talked of the beautiful outdoors and (my personal) love of deer. I absolutely love the outdoors and thrive living near nature. Seeing a deer is a beautiful and peaceful experience for me.

When my family was looking at houses in this area, we were checking out the backyard of one of the homes. From behind a group of trees walk three deer - a mother, a father and their baby. It was a scene Disney creators would envy. My husband immediately asked the realtor, "Now how much did you pay to have the deer appear? You sure know what my wife likes." Unfortunately, the house was out of our range but I have since driven by it a couple of times hoping to see that vision again.

Life is good. One of my favorite quotes is, "It's not what happens to you in life, it is how you interpret it." What a fantastic freedom. I decided from that day - I will interpret everything as positive and "for the best." And do you know what?  It works.

We're Movin' On Up!

I have some fun shows coming up in the next couple weeks and 2012 but I have to say my favorite place to perform is my hometown of Wauconda.  When my friends, Vicki Laureys and Monica Jablonski decided to bring stand up comedy to Lake County (since the closing of Zanies) I never dreamed we'd open such a wonderful room.  When three women open a comedy club it is soooo different than a club run by a man.  Of course, I'm biased but the ambience of the room, the cleanliness of the bathrooms, the big smiles that greet customers when they walk in is something to that deserves recognition.  And we are happy - genuinely happy!  It's all new and we're reinventing ourselves.  Could three business women ask for anything more.

The room is comfy with so many different kinds of chairs that generates eclectic charm.  The comedians are so warmly welcome, they go on stage and immediately feel the supportive vibe.  I personally love the audiences who want to see you succeed.  Do you know what you get when you give positive energy to a comedian - a super show.  We're the little kids who used to spin in circles or do magic tricks or lip-sink songs while the adults egged us on.  The positive nature of the Lake County crowds is instrumental in the great shows that have hit home since the opening on October 8th.

You can have Hollywood, the glitter, the glare, the noise and the traffic.  I'll take Wauconda because comedy, for me, is to make people feel good!  And it happens here.

Lake County's Clean Comedy Stage - The Energee Center Comedy Club

    Writing the words "clean comedy" was a little bit difficult for me this morning.  It reminds me of the scarcity of clean comedians in the Midwest and that can be a real problem when a headliner cancels.  Last night, the Energee Center's headliner for Saturday night canceled his appearance because he had the opportunity to open for a John Pinette in Milwaukee at the Pabst Theater.  Being a comedian myself, I know that performing at a large venue is something difficult to resist.  It makes your spirit and soul really come alive.  However, now that I also "book" fellow comedians for a venue it also is a heart stopper with only 24 hours to find a clean comedian to fill the headliner's shoes.

My husband, Bert, who books Zanies is a real treasure in a situation like this.  Thank goodness I am married to someone "in the business" who offers moral support along with a good dose of humor whenever stress feels overwhelming.  Although Bert was at TV taping at the Zanies' downtown club, he took the time to reach deep in his little black book to begin firing out suggestions.  Of course, as a wife, I also had to swallow my pride every time he said, "Now you see, my job isn't easy."  The correct response is "Oh yes dear.  I know, and you work so hard."  (I did resist the comedic impulse to say the words in a robot voice.)

They say when God closes a door, he opens a window and I'm a big believer in that.  In this case, he opened a large picture window.  With Bert's suggestion, I reached Bill Gorgo, who can be described as a white Bill Cosby.  His delivery is conversational and in moments you will be laughing to tears and yet not be quite sure how you got there.  The best part is I haven't seen Bill Gorgo in at least 10 years and yet because of my long history in comedy I know he is a perfect fit for the relaxed and very friendly atmosphere of the Energee Center Comedy Club.

I'm proud to be on the roster tonight with Michael Issac (who just got a national Walmart commercial!) and Bill Gorgo.  Onward and upward with clean comedy.  It is always just within reach - with the help of family and friends.

Growing Up Catholic - Sex Education and the Stick Figure

     I went to an all-girl's Catholic boarding school when I was in high school.  That education served me well as a women in that I had no male competitors for sports, class offices or grades.  As a matter of fact, I had no knowledge of males at all.  What they did and how they acted were a complete mystery.

     To say that I learned about sex from the nuns is a statement of fact.  Our sex class was taught by Sister Lacey in seventh grade and frankly, it was all over my head.  To complicate matters, the man and woman were depicted by stick figures.  The female stick figure had on a triangle skirt to depict her manner of dress.  The male stick figure had on no pants.  (A minor detail that really should have demanded a huge explanation.)

   Both the male and female stick figures had big round heads with no faces.  I thought, "If that is what my dream man is going to look like, there really is no need for this class."  These stick figures had quite a social life.  They went to the movies, read books together, ate pasta, but when it came to sex - No, No, and No Again!  I knew this was because I saw two horizontal lines with bobble heads on the screen with a dark red "X" over them.  It's surprising this universal sign never caught on with the general public.

     I was taught to be very modest and I learned my lesson well.  You can not imagine the trauma I felt when I wore a sleeveless white blouse to school instead of the standard uniform blouse.  I hid it beneath my blue blazer but it was a hot day and I took my jacket off in front of Sister Lacey.  She said, "Put that blazer back on; your blouse is immodest!"  Oddly enough, Sister Lacey didn't say anything about my plaid uniform skirt that was rolled up three times to capture the miniskirt trend.  And how could I be immodest, if the stick figure lady had on no blouse at all?
 
     To explain the level of my socially challenged sexual self is hard to explain adequately in words.  Let me try with a picture.
                                                                         ???
                                                                          O
                                                                         - |-
                                                                           /\

Best Case Scenario - Your Child Leaves Home - Hmmmmm

     They say that the sign of success when bringing up children is that they grow up and leave.  Can someone come up with another sign please?  This payoff doesn't sound so good.
     Mothers are torn between wanting to see their children accomplish great things and staying home forever and ever. Have you seen parents drop their children off at college for the first time? Bobby or Susie immediately blends into the sea of other excited Freshmen while mom and dad linger lost in their own aching hearts. Often, colleges will post the time for parent departure for fear that dad will don his old football uniform and beg his boy to throw around the ball just one last time.
     My first son, Brendan, just graduated from the University of Chicago with honors in Physics.  (Yes.  I'm beaming.  I'm a comedian and yet I gave birth to a physicist.  God has a great sense of humor.  No wonder he was such a tough crowd.)  We went to Brendan's graduation knowing what his exciting future held.  He'd been picked from the graduating class, along with one other physics major, to go to Switzerland to work at the CERN Nuclear Collider for one year - paid!  My husband and I couldn't be more proud.  We've high-fived, Facebooked, Skyed and Twittered from the rooftops.
  In my quieter moments, I was thinking something quite different.  (Bear in mind, I often think in ways to entertain myself.)  THEY JUST KIDNAPPED MY KID.  I did everything right, read all the Mommy books, attended the soccer games, made the chocolate chip cookies and bought him the expensive calculator.  The result of my efforts were an INTERNATIONAL KIDNAPPING.  How come Switzerland gets him!
  I Gmail Chatted with Brendan this morning as he watched over a number of controls at the CERN facility.  He's been in Geneva for two months now and is doing great!  To Brendan, this is an adventure of a lifetime and it will propel him even faster toward his dreams.  We are all so proud!  Secretly, I know I had the most wonderful adventure of watching this all come to be.  It started when he was six years old in the backseat of our minivan when he asked, "Mom, what do you think about black holes?"  Being a comedian I was speechless and thought, "Yikes.  This parenting thing sure would be a lot easier if I could just answer with a joke!"

Clean Comedy Comes Home

Having "grown up" in the Midwest as a stand up comedian", I know that clean comedians in the Chicago area are a rare commodity these days. However, with the overkill of provocative comedy on cable television, they are making a comeback. Comedians performing clean comedy in the Chicago are ahead of the game.

I first took the stage in the mid-80's when television's comedy heroes were just beginning to change. While my parents still laughed at the one-liners of Bob Hope and the gimmicks of Red Skelton, a new generation was forming that would follow in the footsteps of Lenny Bruce and George Carlton. Material was becoming more risqué and very edgy.

With the advent of a few cable television channels, boundaries widened. Comedy material that had been "bleeped" by major networks was gradually becoming accepted. While the likes of Joan Rivers and words like "pregnant" had once raised eyebrows, the rants and raves of Sam Kinison made such references pale in comparison. America wanted to hear the straight talk. Offensive language and material was the new kick.

Welcome satellite TV and everything in between. Hundreds of channels and no specific guidelines for taste or tack cause the "tell-it-like-it-is" factor to spiral out of control. Every physical body part is explored and fair game for joking. The crowd goes wild as baby boomers are no longer silenced by the censor of the mom and dad generation. Who could have predicted after years of honing comedy material for the CBS, NBC and ABC talk shows that absolutely anything could be said or written for television? The baby boomers spilled their guts and ranted and raved. The uninspired became just plain foul.

The audience grew tired of it and even disgusted. Where's the genius in over-using the four-letter word?

And the tide takes a turn.

Clean comedy is back. No longer thrilled by shock value, a new generation sees the value in the inspired observation. There is an awe in watching a clean comic work and get laughs. Like an injured warrior taking his first step without crutches, there is bit of heroism in clean comedy. Audiences like the fact that they are treated as intelligent human beings who "get it". Clean comedy is the new "hip" because it offers a fresh approach to funny as life and all of its joys, pains and pitfalls are turned inside out.

Clean comedians in Chicago are making a comeback along with the rest of the nation. This really is a time for change when we re-examine our values and find joy in clean and intelligent humor.

Sally Edwards is a professional clean comedian, keynote speaker and corporate humorist who began her career studying improvisation at Chicago's Second City. Sally has been featured on Showtime's Comedy Club Network, A&E and NBC TV's Friday Night.

Sally Edwards is the president of The Humorous Speakers Bureau in Chicago.

Married Sex and The Irony of Leaving Home

Wait a minute. Something's gone askew. I got married so I could have an intimate sexual relationship with my partner whenever the mood so swayed me. I moved out of my parent's house so I could become independent and have privacy with my mate. I imagined doors left wide open, no room off limits and we might give the neighbors something to talk about!

The irony of all this hits me as I lay in bed with our two year old son, Brendan who is sprawled between my husband and me. Brendan's wild contortions in sleep could land him a gig as an acrobat in the circus. This "come sleep with Mommy and Daddy thing" seemed like a good idea the night the thunderstorm hit three weeks ago. Now I realize I've created a well established pattern that just might be the 100% birth control guarantee the world has been chasing.

It's a guaranteed deal. Kids in the bed, kids in the bathroom and kids watching TV with their ears wide open will bring your love life to a screeching halt. And when I say "kids", let me explain - it only takes one.

Young adults leave home for independence and privacy and what is the first thing they do? They start making plans to bring more people into the house! It appears that the passionate lovemaking goal is not a satisfactory end in itself.

When I have a vacant look in my eyes and start to cry at cartoons, my parents offer to watch the kids. "Go out for the night. Enjoy yourself! We'll take care of everything." It sounds exotically tempting but "out for the night" in senior lingo means "Go to the 5:00 movie. We go to bed at 7:30."

When a husband and wife "go to bed together" that phrase takes on a new meaning after babies are in the house. An exhausted daddy who has given too many piggy back rides and has the baby's puke on his golf shirt lies next to an incoherent mommy who is still babbling "The Wheels on the Bus" lyrics. They lie motionless from exhaustion in half-sleep until the human alarm rings at 2:00 a.m.

Let me review the plan here - move out, declare independence, pursue perpetual love making in every room of the house.

Reality show - spit covered zombies sharing the bed with a two-year old bed hog.

Why does this plan gone awry by young adults perpetuate itself? Because it is a great plan! It is full of surprises, twists and turns. It is a plan full of unconditional love, comfort, security and peace. My husband and I had our own plan of independence and marriage but it appears God's plan is so much

better. And yes, God does believe in birth control. It's called "Grind to a halt. There's kids in the house!"

Giving Birth to Higher Life Forms

I'm looking at my two teenage boys sitting on the sofa as they watch reruns of "The Daily Show". At ages 14 and 15, respectively, they are both gaining height as rapidly as I gain width from mid-life bulge. . Steven is a natural talker, a natural laugher, a definite people person. Brendan at 15, is so highly intelligent that his innocent questions in the car at age five brought all conversation to a halt. "Mom, why do people say "one egg" but "zero eggs? " "Mom, what matter do you think black holes are made of?" He followed through in life by getting a 98% on his PSATs.

"Earth to Mom!" My 13 year old daughter, Christine walks towards my desk in the family room and is radioing in. "Mom, what are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about those earthlings over there that I gave birth to. How'd did they get bigger than me and smarter than me? When I met them they were only 23 inches long. None of this makes sense. I've been on the planet longer. I should know more stuff and be able to do more stuff.""

"Mom, can I have a trampoline? The Burkes just got one." Images of bounding children in neck braces crossed my mind. "No. I can't take the chance that someone will get hurt in our backyard." "But the Burkes got one!" "Christine, that's because the Burkes have five kids and its cheaper than a babysitter. If two of them break their leg, they score an advantage of less mobility in the house."

"Can I get a tattoo?" I gasped for breath. "A tattoo!" Christine answered me with conviction, "Yes. I'd like a tattoo of a little yellow rose right above my rear. I think it will look pretty with my bathing suit this summer." I shook my head "No" but I knew Christine was not convinced. I realize that what young girls don't understand is that with time and gravity that little yellow rose will grow into a giant sunflower. "But mom, tattoos are cool!"

Uh, oh - did she say "cool"? I reeled from yet another revelation. My children are bigger, smarter and COOLER than me. As I gaze back toward Jon Stewart as he wraps up another segment of irreverent political humor - the realization of all the joy of motherhood was clear. I had given birth to higher life forms! I'd given birth to three beautiful children who had become bigger, smarter and cooler than me. For this great gift, I am awestruck and forever thankful. In my prayers, I say, "Thank you God for giving me a little taste of your creation!"



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/607299

Laugh of the Day - Comedy by Sally

I saw the cutest thing on the news yesterday. A little girl of only four years old (Aelita Andre) had amazingly creative paintings hanging (and for sale) in an art gallery. A fawning reporter said, “Oooh you are so talented. These paintings are done so creatively! … What do you want to be when you grow up? (anxiously awaiting the expected reply).


The young Picasso matter-of-factly replied, “When I grow up – I want to be a caterpillar!”